I’ve been fascinated with bible recently. I’ve read it countless times over the past few nights, losing sleep and dedicating as much time as I can every day to just reading it. For me, there’s just something so compelling about turning each page - the narrative gold aesthetic set in the fundamental undeniable realism of our world, it’s so fantastical yet confronting and real. I feel as if I am being spoken to, like the messages inscribed onto the pages were place there for me to read and open. It’s such a hard emotion to convey.

One person in the book caught my attention - the LORD, as they were stylized. The LORD is the all-benevolent being that created our reality and shun the original light that still engulfs us. They’re meant to be solid, concrete and an undeniable force of existence - but the way they are presented is shaky, enigmatic and fear-mongering. But perhaps I approach the problem in a way that I shouldn’t be, rather than seeing the LORD, rather god as a person, perhaps it should be interpreted as a natural force, a thing. But that arises the question: why do we pray to a thing? Is this thing truly undeniable? If all of mankind has a unique perception of everything, how can we guarantee we all pray to the same thing?

These are the questions that plague me. The estranged nature of god and the portrayal of our existence as subordinate in his scheme. It seems a horrifying thought, to think we are so meek, so meaningless in the overarching story of everything, to think our individuals live don’t matter even until the death and eradication of our being where we are promised a fragile afterlife - I just question why even bother? Do I have god’s permission to enter heaven at this moment, and shall my colt rifle be my gateway?

I wasn’t satisfied. Something was missing, something that the bible didn’t want to show me. There had to be an undeniable truth - a fact so profound that it should not be known to the Christian, Jew or Muslim - a fact that no ears that could hear should. In my research, the Gospel of Judas revealed itself to me. A sardonic concept is what I thought first - a gospel written by the traitor of Christ? How absurd, how ridiculous and how profound. There couldn’t possibly be anything worth reading in it.

But I read anyway. And then I learned.

When I referred to the LORD as ‘god’, it now appears as if I’ve been mistaken. The LORD, in all sense, can be called the LORD, however he is no god. A fake one, a menace of existence that corrupted the plane of reality that the LORD created, or rather the Demiurge created. Demiurge is the word and slur used to describe this being. All though it does have a name, that being Yaldabaoth, it must be known that it does not deserved to be called by a name, but rather a title of insult.

The real god is one not known to us. The monad - formless, epicene and brilliant. It was a god of no vessel, not tainted by the lies mankind tells itself nor the corruption that it’s idea would hold if known by the dirtied faith of mankind - the Monad was true, and because of that unrevealed to the tainted thoughts of mankind. When we die we do not go to heaven, no - we go to Barbelo, the emanation of god. Our existence is not tainted by a fantasy devil, no - we live under one, a literal lost disciple of god.

But through all this we are still afflicted by the perception of everything; all of mankind will be segregated by their esoteric view on reality - the true plane of existence abstracted from our view. It is a poison from the Demiurge, a cardinal sin that it planted into us to stop us from reaching Barbelo and assimilating with the Monad - to stop us from achieving brilliance before it ever would be able to. And I mean not to praise the devil, but in a sense it did a horrendous well job. All fundamentalists and believers of the Christ and Yaldabaoth all are afflicted by individual perceptions of the same damned god through their corruption of human culture and mental afflictions of their reality-bound tainted filthy human vessels that stand no purpose to the true truth of our reality that every single existing being will eventually have to grovel at the uncaring feet of it and plead it’s worthiness to exist in it’s domain, it’s domain of everything that you intrude upon.

But I can fix this. I know I can. I’ve read the bible, and it may be packed of human heresy, it still contains slight truths from Barbelo. To triumph against the Demiurge, I must eliminate it’s method and vessel of oppression - I must deface it in the honour of the Monad and eliminate the part of it’s vessel that abstracts my view on reality and forbids me from seeing the truth of everything.

As Corinthians reads, ‘We walk by faith, not by sight.’